I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
Randomize
