Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
