i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
I just gargled with NyQuil
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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