Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
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