Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
Randomize
