I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
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