Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
Randomize
