Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
Randomize
