Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
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