bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
Randomize
