my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
I want a musical about memes.
Randomize
