apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
