I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
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you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
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We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
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