i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
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