Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
I'm bleeding and have questions
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