his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Randomize
