GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
Randomize
