you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
