Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
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