So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
