This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
The feeling are messing with the penis
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
He? As in you personified your dick?
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
Randomize
