Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
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