I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
Randomize
