I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
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