just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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