ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Randomize
