Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
they need to just BURY HIM!
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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