At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
Randomize
