This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im just a social blackout drinker.
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
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