Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
As shirtless as possible
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
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