I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
Randomize