I'm sorry my penis didn't work
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
Can you bring me the toilet please
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
FUCK WHALES
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
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