rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
Randomize
