How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Randomize
