He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
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