Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
Randomize
