I'm gonna have a badass scar
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
Im part way to drunk.
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
Randomize
