reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
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