why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
Randomize