I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
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