I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
I want to be your penis for a week.
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
