he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
Randomize
