Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
Question. A woman tells her guy she's on birth control. Stops taking it to have a kid to force the guy to be responsible and with her. What rights does that guy have
None he's f-d
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
Randomize
