I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
Randomize
