We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
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