I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
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I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
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I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
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