Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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