You were right. It hurts to walk today.
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
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