"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
Randomize
