No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
Randomize
