Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
im holly from the hills drunk
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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