Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
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