Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
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