Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
She announced her abortion via fbk
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
Randomize
