If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
