a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
