TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
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