I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Randomize
