Whatcha textin bout Willis?
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
Are we still banned from the library?
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
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