one two three fourrrrnication!
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
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Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
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My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.