I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
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After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
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I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf