I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's