Texts From Last Night

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  (908): View more from New Jersey

  we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.

  (1-908): View more from New Jersey

  you should have been aborted.

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  (908): we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now. (1-908): you should have been aborted. http://tfl.nu/el6q
  Replies (19) Good night (4046) Bad night (892) Order T-Shirt
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  (206): View more from Washington

  I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.

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  (206): I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese. http://tfl.nu/0pie
  Replies (13) Good night (3931) Bad night (726) Order T-Shirt
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  (919): View more from North Carolina

  Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too

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  (919): Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too http://tfl.nu/1k8w
  Replies (40) Good night (697) Bad night (4206)
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  (806): View more from Texas

  Jesus knows you're telling a lie.

  (832): View more from Houston, Texas

  Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup

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  (806): Jesus knows you're telling a lie. (832): Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup http://tfl.nu/yiz0
  Replies (6) Good night (4655) Bad night (618)
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  (510): View more from California

  At what point did I eat out of your mouth?

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  (510): At what point did I eat out of your mouth? http://tfl.nu/tcp8
  Replies (9) Good night (892) Bad night (4236) Order T-Shirt
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  (662): View more from Mississippi

  Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.

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  (662): Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing. http://tfl.nu/08ze
  Replies (10) Good night (690) Bad night (3406) Order T-Shirt
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  (501): View more from Arkansas

  One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.

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  (501): One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow. http://tfl.nu/77ib
  Replies (6) Good night (990) Bad night (2771) Order T-Shirt
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  (850): View more from Florida

  You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.

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  (850): You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism. http://tfl.nu/m7x4
  Replies (18) Good night (5808) Bad night (1218) Order T-Shirt
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  (401): View more from Rhode Island

  Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u

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  (401): Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u http://tfl.nu/jall
  Replies (21) Good night (4054) Bad night (860) Order T-Shirt
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  (360): View more from Washington

  Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY

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  (360): Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY http://tfl.nu/mbk8
  Replies (12) Good night (1832) Bad night (932) Order T-Shirt
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  (570): View more from Pennsylvania

  knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.

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  (570): knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that. http://tfl.nu/tu47
  Replies (6) Good night (1467) Bad night (1070) Order T-Shirt
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  (+61): View more from Australia

  It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.

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  (+61): It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix. http://tfl.nu/uj3b
  Replies (7) Good night (803) Bad night (1245) Order T-Shirt
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  (805): View more from California

  So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka

  (1-805): View more from California

  Sweet. Did I win?

  (805): View more from California

  Youre hungover arent you?

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  (805): So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka (1-805): Sweet. Did I win? (805): Youre hungover arent you? http://tfl.nu/l89i
  Replies (4) Good night (2691) Bad night (367)
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  (336): View more from North Carolina

  I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.

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  (336): I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman. http://tfl.nu/r3qg
  Replies (2) Good night (668) Bad night (230)
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  (613): View more from Ontario

  I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?

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  (613): I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night? http://tfl.nu/khmv
  Replies (5) Good night (544) Bad night (407)

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