I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...