I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
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Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
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You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.