If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves