Well douche your snatch and let's go!
I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
Dating After Heartbreak
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
These Images Prove Chrissy Teigen is the Funniest Model Alive
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
And then my night got REAL pukey
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
I'm like the big dick whisperer.